(recovered from local archive)
i seem to be finding way too much frustration in my daily life of late. it makes me kick myself, as i tend to believe that one creates the circumstances in which they find themselves. so when i am beating myself against the impenetrable wall, i usually step back only to discover that i built the wall myself.
to wit, yesterday i wanted to wear my new jeans to my gig. now i do not often buy new clothes so the recent decision to spend a few bucks on myself for new jeans was a fairly major event in my life. having lost weight over some time, i had resorted to wearing some older, smaller jeans for about a year. but as if on cue they all wore out in concert with one another, which is fine i like wearing holey clothes as much as the next pope, but occasionally i need to wear more intact pants.
but the new jeans have apparently vanished into thin air. i tore my room apart looking for them to no avail. i looked thru every pile of clothes on my bed or floor. i looked thru every drawer. i searched my closet. i looked under the bed. i looked down the sides of the bed as it is nestled snugly into a nook. i went thru every stitch of laundry. i searched until i had worked up a sweat and an extreme case of frustration.
how can this be? where are those damn jeans? mischevious brownies or elves? i tend to doubt that this is so.
only one to blame is myself. i am a lousy housekeeper and clearly i mislaid my pants. perhaps they will be uncovered one day. perhaps not. perhaps i inadvertently threw them into the outgoing trash. idk. but clearly it is my own damn fault, one way or another.
so i am frustrated and angry with myself and feeling old, fat and stupid.
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